BUANASENI

By Jo Haq
spanapurba.blogspot.com


"Bro, buy this. It is good stuff. It is only RM50."

Reluctant Buyer said, "Errrr,.... sorry, I don't have RM50 now. Too expensive. I only have RM10."

Seller replies, "Bro, I will make you an offer, if you pay me RM40, I will give you this stuff."

Reluctant Buyer got agitated and said, "Which part of 'I only have RM10' do you not understand. Stop trying. I am not buying."

"Ok Bro, for RM10, you can rent this for a week. Who knows you will want to buy this after a week. If not, you can return."

"Look Bro, I said stop trying. I have better use for the RM10. I am not in the position to spend it with you."

"Ok Bro. When you feel like buying, this is my card. Call me ya."

Reluctant Buyer then buys groceries worth RM10 that can feed breakfast for his family for a week. His wife comes home looking rather happy, "Darling, have you bought groceries?"

"Yup. I have"

"Oh, oh, can you also pay the kid's tuition fees RM50 for this month? Sorry I had to use my budget for something else"

"Ok. I will need to work overtime more this month to pay the tuition fees RM50. Do'able but have to go through pain for a while."

"Thank you Dear."

"So what did you buy with your RM50?" The Wife smiled and took out the item she bought out of the shopping bag and showed it to her husband.

The husband gulp the last bit of his cheap tasteless coffee and dialed the number on a call card he had in his pocket and said, "Damn you!"

By Jo Haq
spanapurba.blogspot.com


The cat sat on the wall. His name is Alfred. Alfred miowed to the man walking by him. The man had his head tilted 45 degrees down looking into a piece of device. The man continued walking across the road, with his head still tilted. The cat still stood on the wall. His name is still Alfred. Alfred miowed to the man crossing the road. The traffic light was red. A lorry full of pigs hit the man. The man was thrown to the side of the road, near the wall, in front of Alfred. The cat jumped off the wall. His name, well, is still Alfred. Alfred found the piece of device. Alfred sniffed the device. He smelled death. The cat left the wall. The man? Left the world.

Oleh Jo Haq
spanapurba.blogspot.com


Badrul terasa sungguh teruja. Dia tidak sabar untuk menemui Mika, budak 7 tahun yang ibunya sedang menguruskan 'party' hari jadinya. Ibunya Si Mika sudah pun men'deposit'kan RM500 ke akaun Chung Kiaw Bank Badrul. Badrul cuma tinggal menjalankan kerjanya. Kerjanya sebagai seorang badut kelakar untuk mengukirkan senyuman dan gelak tawa di bibir anak-anak di 'party' hari jadi Mika. 'Party' tersebut akan berlangsung petang nanti di Kuala Lumpur, tetapi Badrul sekarang berada di Pulau Pinang. Tidak menjadi masalah. Badrul sudah pun membeli tiket kapal terbang. Apabila Badrul sampai sahaja di lapangan terbang, teramat terkejutnya Badrul apabila dilaporkan pihak syarikat penerbangan yang tiket kapal terbangnya itu kini sudah terbatal dan ganti rugi akan dibayar. Kata syarikat itu lagi, kapal terbang tersebut sudah terhempas di Selat Melaka akibat kuasa elektromagnetik yang kononnya ditembak oleh pihak lanun moden di perairan tersebut. Sebagai penebus, Badrul menyarungkan sahaja 'costume' badut kelakarnya dan merakamkan dirinya sendiri yang bermain watak Badut Kelakar Bongok yang mencuit hati manusia-manusia di lapangan terbang. Apabila siap, Badrul terus meng'whatsapp'kan rakaman video tersebut kepada ibu Mika agar dapat disiarkan di televisyen melalui kabel HDMI atau melalui 'laptop' petang nanti sewaktu 'party' hari jadi Mika yang ke-7.

By Jo Haq
spanapurba.blogspot.com


I was at a BMW showroom this morning. I was so impressed with the new M3 and M5. So, I went to my wife, who was sitting reading a book, waiting for her car being serviced and I said, "I totally love BMW!"

She stopped reading her book and turned her head to face me. Lo and behold, it wasn't my wife! But she was polite enough to say, "Yes! I love BMW too!" and continued to read her book. I continued to act normal and walked away as if the sun was shining bright and joined my wife, who was also sitting reading a book not too far from there.

Oleh Jo Haq
spanapurba.blogspot.com


Ahmad kehilangan Zamri. Dia cemas. Ke hulu ke hilir Ahmad mencari Zamri. Dia sampai ke warung Pak Muliadi dan bertanya, "Pak Moody, ada nampak Zamri?"

"Errr.... tadi adalah dia ke arah surau tu". Ahmad terus berlari ke arah surau tanpa berterima kasih kepada Pak Muliadi. Sesampai sahaja di surau, Ahmad bertembung dengan Imam Khairi lalu bertanya, "Pak Imam, ada ke nampak Zamri mana-mana? Pak Moody tadi kata dia menghala ke sini".

"Kalau ye pun Mamat, kasi lah salam dulu".

"Oh ya, Assalamualaikum Pak Imam. Tulah saya ni cemas mencari Zamri sebab dia belum mandi, belum makan semua pagi ni".

"Walaikumsalam. Saya tak nampak pun. Dari tadi saya berkemas dalam surau ni ha".

"Takpelah Pak Imam. Saya pergi dulu ye".

"Yelah".

Ahmad penat pusing satu kampung. Akhirnya terhenti langkahnya di tempat sidai baju Kak Hanum, janda anak tujuh yang popular di Kampung Putik Derian kerana ternampak Kak Hanum memegang penyapu untuk menghalau seekor kambing busuk yang sedang mengunyah coli Kak Hanum yang tersidai. Kak Hanum memekik, "Oi!! Pundek punya kambing! Kau kunyah coli aku ye! Ni hah aku nak tibai kau dengan penyapu ni".

"Ehhh..  Kak Hanum, jangan, jangan. Minta maaf lah banyak-banyak. Zamri tu lapar. Dia belum makan pagi ni. Minta maaf banyak-banyak. Esok saya belikan Kak Hanum coli baru ye. Berapa saiz Kak Hanum?"

"Oi! Pundek kau Mamat... kau tanya saiz payu dara aku pulak. Aku belasah kau dengan penyapu ni baru tau. Kau dengan kambing gembala kau sama je. Ahmad dan Zamri, dua-dua gatal!"